Thursday, May 24, 2012

A choice made.

Okay. A standard schedule is established now. This is what they wanted. She, my mom, my dad, whoever. A soon-to-be-appearing ID card which decorates my neck would actually let them celebrate. Not that I don't like my job, but I'd prefer it to be freelancing sort of.

I wake up, hardly be at home for an hour, rush out, hit my desk, stick to it for 9 odd hours, experiencing bouts of stress, sheer excitement, lot disappointment (yet to make peace with corporate) & droop my shoulders low, head back home only to eat and drown into a bursting sleep. So this is what for I've put in 5 whole months of my life, sucking in humiliation, resentment, obnoxious insult & days of persistence and holding-in-there quality.

Every phase should come to an end, otherwise it wouldn't be termed as 'phase' really. Indefinite days of waiting, gritting insane fear of confrontation, comfortable view filled with obscurity & the doomed darkness have finally ended. Now everything seems so secured & 'settled down' to them.

I am dead scared that it's going to be the same way till one lucky day when robust wheels of a truck run over me. They say Work is what that defines, redefines a person. I really don't understand that. Excluding personalities like Rahul Dravid, Roger Federer for whom, work isn't really work any day, but it's play.

I barely have a faint idea that agitations are lined up against UPA, condemning hike on Petrol rates; that the most controversial politician-heir of late chief minister of AP would be put behind the bars very soon and stuff. All this is gained by being all ears to strangers who sit behind me during out journey to our respective work places in public transport. No access to first hand information. I know it'd be mean if I exclaim I don't have time. Rather, I say I am unable to make time.

I smoke in a hurry. I eat as if I might miss a flight. I startle cos of my alarm in the mornings. I dread a crowded bus that I might end up missing it. I slurp tea like I gulp water. Pathetic, ain't it?

Its been only few weeks into work & I am already there, failing badly to find time for myself. She complains, yells. I prefer to stay silent. It was a collective choice. No one can be blamed. I yearn for a sunday s that I could really make out some time for myself, go sit in Moon Star & sip a cup of tea fully, in n hurry. I want to live like as if I want to, not like because I have to.

You don't go out apparently, having money, throwing a party and all doesn't happen when you work. You only work when you work.

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