On and On and On....

As wisely said 'let the chips may fall where they intend to' and referring to Sirish's latest post which strongly emphasizes on the point of leaving everything purely on conscience, I look back to find any exuberating relevance in the events that took place in my life so far, I failed again, big time. Phew! even in connecting the dots which brightly represented various events. I think whether they were all by themselves that collectively occurred to me or is it my self sustainable stupidity that drove me forward. It isn't at all something like turning out to be too humane & standing by myself but that is something totally beyond my control. I don't really have an idea what is really prompting me to start writing about me (as I was far too occupied with the act of praising her on a larger front) but this really has to come out. This has got no head and tail, I tell you. Aah well, I was addressing the 'connecting the events' thing a bit earier and again I get back there.

Education. The unrealized and the biggest frontier I am still waiting to materialise. Ask me and I shall tell you how it feels when everybody paces way forward, I still keep hanging in there. Define Education for me. The one that fetches me the proper wisdom of differentiating between the productive and destructive elements? Or the one that fetches me a studio flat and a four wheeler, five years down the lane? This is like a motion picture, where a fast forward button is pressed on, zoomed in, into the city's ever moving traffic, vehicles keep rushing to and fro. You stand there, like a frozen frog and as if you are meant to observe the motion of everything and no nothing else. Stagnant. Inertial.

A stirring feeling in your belly and vibrating nerves in your legs and yet, a heavenly weighed object on your back, stabbing you more and more into the ground. Deep inside. I know this sounds way too depressing and dramatic. The troubled kid devoid of everything. I would throw my head down into void, running out of an answer when someone asks me what's all this. Isn't it so stupid to expect me to come up with an immediate and equally reflexive answer for the question for which, I have been spending, like the latest quarter of my life, searching for an answer. This has become a mirage, it seems near, yet so far, miles far away. I wish my fist sized throb, which got lost conveniently far away in some city of my realm, would find an answer eventually and glow up with joy, just like a kid who conquered his favourite piece of toy.

Till then, the pursuit goes on and on and on....