Wrecking West and Envious East.

My dream of finding out a proper cafe' which deliberately serves Indian trademark tea and its varieties has come true. I was having another 60 minutes of time in my hands before my college started and I seriously didn't want that time to be ruined.I was searching for some shop which provides me the much required warmth(by fluids) to fight against this climate(not alcohol,this time). But kind of chai and all. I was lucky enough to find one just some 100 yards away from my college.It's name is Cafe' Donatella. They had some 20 varieties of tea listed on their menu ,which got me excited at the very first go.Here,I settle down with some decent music in my ears,warm cigarette sticks and yes,my all time Lemon tea.

I start sipping my tea as the first chilled drop of winter falls on my arm. The contact of drop on my hand prompts me to consume a large gulp from my cup and it all started. 40 minutes passed by and another cup of lemon tea was placed on my table. Then,I find some gigantic creature passing over my head,which dominates the sound of my music machine too.I look up to find that it is an aeroplane tilting towards Envious East.I kind of miss its ambience and warmth ,of late.It strikes my mind back,when I eat a burger,It pops up when I have a dark chocolate,otherwise would be having nice Amma made south Indian meal and a delicious Irani chai. As I write this,'Under the bridge' is playing in my ears.It sings somewhere in the middle,"the city I live in ,is the City of angels.Lonely as I am ,together we cry".That may be true with California but it isn't,with London. London never cries along with you. It makes you cry and it laughs along,when you cry. Great language,glowing lights,glittering nailpolishes,gleaming faces,everything is pretentious. Everything is pretentious. Every thing can be accompanied with the word 'pseudo' before it. Beneath all those,lies the original,dark side.It craves for wealth,wealth and more wealth.If wealthy enough,London is one of the finest places to live and definitely NOT,if you work your ass off for a piece of bread on your table at the end of the day.It isn't of my type. People do their breakfast in tubes. Such a fast place to maintain pace with. People's mindset is like this: If they waste some 10 minutes having a peaceful breakfast with their loved ones,they're gonna lose some £10. What a life ,which can't enjoy a meal a day? I seriously don't understand what makes people run like a Marathon.I used to stand up and resist the crowd running leaving me behind. But as my journey in London is moving,I slowly gave up and you know what the worst part is? I started running along with them too. I fear I have to run all my life to stop and look behind and laugh whole heartedly someday. I started losing hope that,that day would come. To rest back on some fucking sunny day,do I have to run past some 15 or 20 cold winters through which I may live through??

Trainspotting.

It got back to me.Yes,this time,fierce,It got back to me when I am hell scared about the thought that,may be I can't write again my lifetime and yes,It got back to me now,when my palm lost the sense of non violent and yet,the most appealing weapon. I guess,this is some 12th time I watched this cult plot,it was always like something new and fresh to me ,as if watching for the first time. Need not mention,this time too. It had always provoked some deeply concealed,incomplete,shapeless,vague thoughts which would wash off with one expel of smoke from my bad pair of lungs. It took its plunge this time so hard,I gave it a try to wipe off those formless thoughts and surprisingly,as the early morning fog's intensity increased,it became equally and increasingly clear.

Change. Change is ubiquitous. This is what Trainspotting preached me this time. But in a much more effective way than my father or mother or whoever. I didn't get brushed off myself with serious drugs anytime as Rents does in this cinema. But there used to be many other motherfucking addictions,which costed me time,money and people too,to get rid off. Referring me as the most plain plain bastard ever,another bastard gifted me with such a precious possession called "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh,but ain't I lucky enough to gather such an

imaginative feast,while my eyes moved down. A moving picture always catches me better. Because,gifted by the most loving bastard I ever have, I have it a hard try and watching the flick after reading the plot is such an eve,I say. I had been warned by the same bastard about people,society and all but it didnt,however,got into my head properly,but now when watching Rent walking off with £ 16k stolen currency,it didn't appear as a crime to me ,because to be honest,everyone would do the same thing in that context. But the whole point is,he is walking off,heading towards the most brightest and unseen horizons of life. Whoever watches Trainspotting for the first time,cannot think of such an ending. A normal human brain might expect all of the four junks doing Heroin all their lives as they did earlier. But as the years roll down into the history,even Adolf Hitler wouldn't be the same as one. Who cares,asking about four fucking jerks,who always wish to be in dopers' paradise . But they have changed. Tommy too changed,who used to be a decent boy-next-door,died of excessive intake of Heroin while the remaining three lads found themselves doing some serious businesses(not drugs,though). That makes something's for sure. And I am glad ,that the same 'something' is 'Change'. Change is quintessential and its inevitable.

And now,I can connect this to myself pretty well. I am wanted to be changed ,by few people. I am supposed t be changed,by nature and I will change,by myself. This time,definitely on a positive take. And one more thing,that demanded a lot of time from me to get aware of,is Individuality. I,no longer care how people around me are,no longer judge a person by the way he lights his cigarette and no longer expect anything out of anyone.

I change.I acquire.I live. Everything for myself and by myself.

Lame introspection

okay now! its 1.12 am. And I am still awake. The disturbing mid night smoke that always tries to creep into my room is trying its hard best to keep me awake and I should admit,its being succeeded.The smoke,brings in with it,scary thoughts of fear,ambiguity and amusement too. I stress the word amusement again,because,at some point of every day ,I laugh at my stupidity to feel frightened by the thought of staying away from my people. What exactly defines 'my people'? I dont know,though. Why should I be scared? The white skins who look at me,the every other day,with a feeling of hatred and alienity(here,i coin the new word,defining the presence of aliens), reminds me of my state of being.Then,I plug in my pod which instantly plays 'Under The Bridge' which is specially written for soul searching bastards like me. I wish my girl would be here,along with me. I dont bother even either the presence of psycho mantis or semi urban punk or dirty harry would do.I came across a beautiful liking liked by my beloved brother Jai Simha ,it goes on like this,"start liking yourself,because you are the only one who is going to stay with you till the end." That makes some sense. Really. I fear I am running out of creativity,my words are lasting and running out of phrases to fill in. As I strive to fit into this new life and get accumulated into new horizons waiting in the line,I never thought this would be my signing off note!

all I can say,Cheers!!!