It no longer surprises me - the facade of "i-got-it-all-figured" people put up. It's merely concealing their cluelessness to pretend they are a nick ahead of others out there. Because, "out there" is a notorious place and everyone is sound of that fact.
That takes me to the conflicting spot called "to be or not to be". Mind you, this is like poring over different spending models for a lottery, forget winning, even a ticket hasn't been bought.
So there's this conflict between: 'take my vision of societal contribution seriously and work towards it' and 'mind my own business and work on personal success' (again, I'm neither looking at a serious strategy for the former, nor working diligently towards the latter, yet).
It's just that I am taking a bit too long to decide: like taking a whole academic year to opt between math and humanities. I've been stifled with the narrrowness posed by these two choices. When so much satisfaction promisingly entails the prospect of being in a socially exposed job, personal cushiness seems like a petty choice. On the other hand, I've grown to believe that personal success is not a bad idea either. But that mostly involves turning a blind eye towards the former: focus on getting bigger as a corporate slave and climbing higher up the ladder with elevated lifestyle and financial sustainability as its rewarding byproducts.
I am a schmuck, a victim of the lifestyle I aspired and cultivated for myself. I am mostly drawn to things I've acquired and accustomed to, over time with my increased affordability. A giant leap towards the other side of the river - which looks like a real example of glorified living (for the others) involves un-weighing myself by shredding my plum possessions. An unloading that's too heavy and pricey to consider.
I recently let my wife in on the agony of this conflict and she reaffirmed that personal success is not a bad idea at all; and she agreed to my cynical wondering saying this place we call our society is being too deeply gnawed away by its infections that a mere topical pain cream lasts only as long as its moistness on one's skin. I smile to myself about the choice of marrying her - probably one of the very few right choices i have pulled off.
I almost decided to work up the ladder, or in other words, let this tricky word called 'ambition' run its course; while feeding my artistic aspirations with their regular supplies. Chips shall fall where they may.
That takes me to the conflicting spot called "to be or not to be". Mind you, this is like poring over different spending models for a lottery, forget winning, even a ticket hasn't been bought.
So there's this conflict between: 'take my vision of societal contribution seriously and work towards it' and 'mind my own business and work on personal success' (again, I'm neither looking at a serious strategy for the former, nor working diligently towards the latter, yet).
It's just that I am taking a bit too long to decide: like taking a whole academic year to opt between math and humanities. I've been stifled with the narrrowness posed by these two choices. When so much satisfaction promisingly entails the prospect of being in a socially exposed job, personal cushiness seems like a petty choice. On the other hand, I've grown to believe that personal success is not a bad idea either. But that mostly involves turning a blind eye towards the former: focus on getting bigger as a corporate slave and climbing higher up the ladder with elevated lifestyle and financial sustainability as its rewarding byproducts.
I am a schmuck, a victim of the lifestyle I aspired and cultivated for myself. I am mostly drawn to things I've acquired and accustomed to, over time with my increased affordability. A giant leap towards the other side of the river - which looks like a real example of glorified living (for the others) involves un-weighing myself by shredding my plum possessions. An unloading that's too heavy and pricey to consider.
I recently let my wife in on the agony of this conflict and she reaffirmed that personal success is not a bad idea at all; and she agreed to my cynical wondering saying this place we call our society is being too deeply gnawed away by its infections that a mere topical pain cream lasts only as long as its moistness on one's skin. I smile to myself about the choice of marrying her - probably one of the very few right choices i have pulled off.
I almost decided to work up the ladder, or in other words, let this tricky word called 'ambition' run its course; while feeding my artistic aspirations with their regular supplies. Chips shall fall where they may.
Oh you've got married,that's news.
ReplyDeleteIs she the same girl you've talked about long back in your blog here ?
Hey, Prudhvi, your name is so singular in its entirety that i am unable to make which of the Prudhvis I know could you be.
DeleteSecondly, yeah, got married. Well no, relationships break, don't they? and so, mine broke. For good, because I wouldn't have found this gem of a person if it didn't.