Wrecking West and Envious East.

My dream of finding out a proper cafe' which deliberately serves Indian trademark tea and its varieties has come true. I was having another 60 minutes of time in my hands before my college started and I seriously didn't want that time to be ruined.I was searching for some shop which provides me the much required warmth(by fluids) to fight against this climate(not alcohol,this time). But kind of chai and all. I was lucky enough to find one just some 100 yards away from my college.It's name is Cafe' Donatella. They had some 20 varieties of tea listed on their menu ,which got me excited at the very first go.Here,I settle down with some decent music in my ears,warm cigarette sticks and yes,my all time Lemon tea.

I start sipping my tea as the first chilled drop of winter falls on my arm. The contact of drop on my hand prompts me to consume a large gulp from my cup and it all started. 40 minutes passed by and another cup of lemon tea was placed on my table. Then,I find some gigantic creature passing over my head,which dominates the sound of my music machine too.I look up to find that it is an aeroplane tilting towards Envious East.I kind of miss its ambience and warmth ,of late.It strikes my mind back,when I eat a burger,It pops up when I have a dark chocolate,otherwise would be having nice Amma made south Indian meal and a delicious Irani chai. As I write this,'Under the bridge' is playing in my ears.It sings somewhere in the middle,"the city I live in ,is the City of angels.Lonely as I am ,together we cry".That may be true with California but it isn't,with London. London never cries along with you. It makes you cry and it laughs along,when you cry. Great language,glowing lights,glittering nailpolishes,gleaming faces,everything is pretentious. Everything is pretentious. Every thing can be accompanied with the word 'pseudo' before it. Beneath all those,lies the original,dark side.It craves for wealth,wealth and more wealth.If wealthy enough,London is one of the finest places to live and definitely NOT,if you work your ass off for a piece of bread on your table at the end of the day.It isn't of my type. People do their breakfast in tubes. Such a fast place to maintain pace with. People's mindset is like this: If they waste some 10 minutes having a peaceful breakfast with their loved ones,they're gonna lose some £10. What a life ,which can't enjoy a meal a day? I seriously don't understand what makes people run like a Marathon.I used to stand up and resist the crowd running leaving me behind. But as my journey in London is moving,I slowly gave up and you know what the worst part is? I started running along with them too. I fear I have to run all my life to stop and look behind and laugh whole heartedly someday. I started losing hope that,that day would come. To rest back on some fucking sunny day,do I have to run past some 15 or 20 cold winters through which I may live through??

Trainspotting.

It got back to me.Yes,this time,fierce,It got back to me when I am hell scared about the thought that,may be I can't write again my lifetime and yes,It got back to me now,when my palm lost the sense of non violent and yet,the most appealing weapon. I guess,this is some 12th time I watched this cult plot,it was always like something new and fresh to me ,as if watching for the first time. Need not mention,this time too. It had always provoked some deeply concealed,incomplete,shapeless,vague thoughts which would wash off with one expel of smoke from my bad pair of lungs. It took its plunge this time so hard,I gave it a try to wipe off those formless thoughts and surprisingly,as the early morning fog's intensity increased,it became equally and increasingly clear.

Change. Change is ubiquitous. This is what Trainspotting preached me this time. But in a much more effective way than my father or mother or whoever. I didn't get brushed off myself with serious drugs anytime as Rents does in this cinema. But there used to be many other motherfucking addictions,which costed me time,money and people too,to get rid off. Referring me as the most plain plain bastard ever,another bastard gifted me with such a precious possession called "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh,but ain't I lucky enough to gather such an

imaginative feast,while my eyes moved down. A moving picture always catches me better. Because,gifted by the most loving bastard I ever have, I have it a hard try and watching the flick after reading the plot is such an eve,I say. I had been warned by the same bastard about people,society and all but it didnt,however,got into my head properly,but now when watching Rent walking off with £ 16k stolen currency,it didn't appear as a crime to me ,because to be honest,everyone would do the same thing in that context. But the whole point is,he is walking off,heading towards the most brightest and unseen horizons of life. Whoever watches Trainspotting for the first time,cannot think of such an ending. A normal human brain might expect all of the four junks doing Heroin all their lives as they did earlier. But as the years roll down into the history,even Adolf Hitler wouldn't be the same as one. Who cares,asking about four fucking jerks,who always wish to be in dopers' paradise . But they have changed. Tommy too changed,who used to be a decent boy-next-door,died of excessive intake of Heroin while the remaining three lads found themselves doing some serious businesses(not drugs,though). That makes something's for sure. And I am glad ,that the same 'something' is 'Change'. Change is quintessential and its inevitable.

And now,I can connect this to myself pretty well. I am wanted to be changed ,by few people. I am supposed t be changed,by nature and I will change,by myself. This time,definitely on a positive take. And one more thing,that demanded a lot of time from me to get aware of,is Individuality. I,no longer care how people around me are,no longer judge a person by the way he lights his cigarette and no longer expect anything out of anyone.

I change.I acquire.I live. Everything for myself and by myself.

Lame introspection

okay now! its 1.12 am. And I am still awake. The disturbing mid night smoke that always tries to creep into my room is trying its hard best to keep me awake and I should admit,its being succeeded.The smoke,brings in with it,scary thoughts of fear,ambiguity and amusement too. I stress the word amusement again,because,at some point of every day ,I laugh at my stupidity to feel frightened by the thought of staying away from my people. What exactly defines 'my people'? I dont know,though. Why should I be scared? The white skins who look at me,the every other day,with a feeling of hatred and alienity(here,i coin the new word,defining the presence of aliens), reminds me of my state of being.Then,I plug in my pod which instantly plays 'Under The Bridge' which is specially written for soul searching bastards like me. I wish my girl would be here,along with me. I dont bother even either the presence of psycho mantis or semi urban punk or dirty harry would do.I came across a beautiful liking liked by my beloved brother Jai Simha ,it goes on like this,"start liking yourself,because you are the only one who is going to stay with you till the end." That makes some sense. Really. I fear I am running out of creativity,my words are lasting and running out of phrases to fill in. As I strive to fit into this new life and get accumulated into new horizons waiting in the line,I never thought this would be my signing off note!

all I can say,Cheers!!!

The Great Indian Dream comes to an End.

This is pretty expected as never. Some 100 hours down the lane,and here I am ,seven seas away from my motherland. Countless hours over dirty,used tables in cafetariae, consuming zillion cups of Irani chai, laughing over pointless conversations. Sharp wind slaps me hard on my neck , leaving me helpless as I try hard to turn back, to steal a look of my pals going on with their usual 'nicotine fixation' , with my presence being filled with void. It leave me perturbed , though. What does it take to make this tiny state of mortality meaningful? Or else , to be called 'immortal' forever till mortality exists in this planet. Stepping in a foreign courtyard and working your knees off?? When people run away in need of their beloved ones to find some coupling for their empty palms to be filled with warmth when gusty winds take their toll,otherwise would be occupied with a stick of tobacco.

Ambiguity surrounds me all over and in the mean while,The Great Indian Dream comes to an End

!

Awaiting answers!

written : 21st august 2010,1.00 am.

Its 1.00 am sharp. Landed up in a motel in Chennai .Missed the bus to Hyderabad. I dont know what its good for. To be precise,my D-day is 10 days away from now.Life's gonna take sharp,acute turns.Everything is going to be new. Change in perspectives. Change in priorities. Change in outlook.The each day,I outgrow myself,I appear very cupid to myself the day before. I laugh at my actions,at my reactions to others' actions. That gives me a sense of completion, and a never dying interest called learning.

I never agree with some bastard who thinks he's matured. What series of consequences would compel one to think and act according to their own convictions? That comes somewhere from deep within. Something which strongly appeals to be righteous to a person the other day,turns out to be the most unhealthy act,the very next day. Nothing's wrong with the act.It remains the same as long as this universe exists. Its all the job of one's heart. Its so flickery, I say. I laugh at it,at the end of the day,when I lay on my couch.

Every night,when clock hits some 11,my introspection starts.The acts I performed ,that whole day get underneath the sheath of my introspection,few filtered,few accepted put me to sleep with some restlessness and much of contentment. I promise myself to get out of the bed,the next day,act along my convictions,say 'no' very certainly to some mother fucker ,who's so predictable to waste my lunch time with, and to go on an extra mile to soothe my power pumping side. And then breaks the dawn,raising the curtain off for an other predictable day with familiar choices,usual 'yes'es and much usual disappointments . I compromise myself to finish some project the next day,its a part of my daily ritual of unwillingness to accomplish something worthy or even 'laziness' would do. Similar disappointments when 'she' considers it as a 'torture' to receive one single text a day from me.

What would it take to a man to act according to his convictions? Decisions he make,which would never be regretted later? I dont think such a thing exists. If you are the one,who believes in growing yourself out,the every other day,you should definitely regret the foolish(wondering,they can be called so?!) decisions made in the past.

I find this whole thing ambiguous. As it did earlier,time unfolds the answers. I hope,after all.

Annayya

blogging,ages after.We,die hard fanatics,call him "annayya".Dont mistake him for the big brother 'Megastar',but here comes the borther of the brother 'Powerstar'.

I've been suffering of this disease,lack of stimulation to write about something.It has got manyu reeasons,cal it lack of driving force,lask of motivation,lack of that flow,anything.

but a conversation,i had the previous night,with my borther Jai Simha(we fans of Pawan share this bortherhood of fanatism).He unknowingly succeeded to a very great extent in stimulating my desire to write about this

Man.There's some hidden meaning in using a capital letter "M" for the word "Man".You guys will come to know by the end of this post.And now,i am all set ready to write about our hero.

Its been whole 18 years,since he had been in the industry.He made his debut as any common unknown successor of a big star, already sharing a huge stake in the industry in terms of number of hits as well as limitless fanatism.

First cinema hit the screens and went off into this big history of telugu cinema as a flop.People started taking that young lad for granted and shot comments on him.But he's the man.Way ahead of this people.Far away from appreciation,applause and yes,the thought process too.

Then came, two another ordinary flicks from that man, registering moderate success and were declared as so called "commercial hits". But by then, there established a mannerism, which cannot be copied. He started to occupy place in the hearts of those people who were searching for their hero with few obvious traits. Time passed by and then, a man called Karunakaran, who’s pretty smart in writing romantic scripts came up with a script called “Toliprema” and everything from then, pre production work and script finalization were finished, then luckily ,the movie went onto sets. It took as much time as any cinema takes to complete all the work to hit the halls. On one fine Friday morning ,that went onto the screens and then the mania started all by itself. All the magic was done and released onto the people. They received it like a precious present. Yes, that was a classic. That day saw the birth of a super star, probably the youngest super star who achieved that cult status only with an age of 3 movies in the industry.He simply rocked in his own way.

There after,any flick of his,would hit the hall and leave only with 100 days title.Particularly,I m forced here to say a bit about “Johnny”. Story,screenplay,direction and action by Pawan Kalyan.People were waiting like hell for its release. They were disappointed. No,I am sorry,he was disappointed.He was way ahead of this people’s thought process.One can observe Akira’s mark all over the screen.I still don’t understand why people couldn’t receive Johnny properly.I was just dumbstruck by the way movie was unfolded.I bet no actor in this industry would be ready to receive a slap from any other character in a movie as our brother did.It was just like seeing a person who sits beside us in a café,the every other day.That film was a classic,I say.

As Jai Simha puts it this way,Give him a budget of a Hollywood movie and leave everything else to him,and then 2 years down the lane,you would see a cinema you would have never seen earlier. (I can see Jai smiling while reading this ).

Even his fans ,one would find them diehards. I know this guy who flew all the way across seven seas to watch Jalsa amidst whistles and papers dancing all in theatres. Such a people ,he has as followers, merely u can adress them as. I have a cousin,who would die for Pawan Kalyan .There ,took place an incident,where me and him were boozing slowly all the night ,something pulled out the topic of Pawan Kalyan.I asked him,what would he do if he ever bags a chance of meeting this stalwart? I expected some different kind of reply, but this fella, with a whole heart came with such a mind boggling answer.Here it goes like this,”I don’t want a photograph to be pulled out while I shake hands with him nor I even want to spend a whole day with him.Those were far from reach,even in my dreams.I just want to see him whole heartedly for atleast 2 minutes atleast from a distance of some two metres. That’s more than sufficient for me.” I guess these two incidents are far enough to understand the craze,mania,whatever you call it as,that Pawan Kalyan has.

He has that aura.One call it as attitude,one call it as something.The positive vibes you receive in his presence,I call it as Aura.He is just beyond his cinemas.And now,everybody’s eyes are focused on his latest release(yet to hit the screens),KOMARAM PULI., in which he plays a cop.I,never min,whether its going to be a masterpiece or a disaster.His fans never mind his films’ commercial success.I just want to watch the flick on the very first day amidst cheers and paper pieces falling all along.

HAIL POWER STAR!

Rajneeti

i want to be unaware with the fact that whether what i say turns out be pointless to lousy bastards and i wish it should be that way.Watched Rajneethi some 2 days ago and i liked it,no matter how it appears to other self suggesting people who convince themselves that no! this is not the movie u are supposed to watch! and think that i flunked some 3 hours of my valuable time sparing for this cinema otherwise sit in a cafe and blow out some sticks and talk!