Awaiting answers!

written : 21st august 2010,1.00 am.

Its 1.00 am sharp. Landed up in a motel in Chennai .Missed the bus to Hyderabad. I dont know what its good for. To be precise,my D-day is 10 days away from now.Life's gonna take sharp,acute turns.Everything is going to be new. Change in perspectives. Change in priorities. Change in outlook.The each day,I outgrow myself,I appear very cupid to myself the day before. I laugh at my actions,at my reactions to others' actions. That gives me a sense of completion, and a never dying interest called learning.

I never agree with some bastard who thinks he's matured. What series of consequences would compel one to think and act according to their own convictions? That comes somewhere from deep within. Something which strongly appeals to be righteous to a person the other day,turns out to be the most unhealthy act,the very next day. Nothing's wrong with the act.It remains the same as long as this universe exists. Its all the job of one's heart. Its so flickery, I say. I laugh at it,at the end of the day,when I lay on my couch.

Every night,when clock hits some 11,my introspection starts.The acts I performed ,that whole day get underneath the sheath of my introspection,few filtered,few accepted put me to sleep with some restlessness and much of contentment. I promise myself to get out of the bed,the next day,act along my convictions,say 'no' very certainly to some mother fucker ,who's so predictable to waste my lunch time with, and to go on an extra mile to soothe my power pumping side. And then breaks the dawn,raising the curtain off for an other predictable day with familiar choices,usual 'yes'es and much usual disappointments . I compromise myself to finish some project the next day,its a part of my daily ritual of unwillingness to accomplish something worthy or even 'laziness' would do. Similar disappointments when 'she' considers it as a 'torture' to receive one single text a day from me.

What would it take to a man to act according to his convictions? Decisions he make,which would never be regretted later? I dont think such a thing exists. If you are the one,who believes in growing yourself out,the every other day,you should definitely regret the foolish(wondering,they can be called so?!) decisions made in the past.

I find this whole thing ambiguous. As it did earlier,time unfolds the answers. I hope,after all.