There is a limit for everything, they say. The question is who defines the limit. Its just the same kind of start like any other January. No striking differences. Only the characters and incidents changed; plot remained the same. Except in the perspective I developed, the way people treat me remained the same; unaltered. The unfaltering stubbornness still managed to secure its place in my heart. I still believe in my conviction; stay committed to the cause; a self made vow.
Things are royally fucked up at home, work and heart. Not a single element of respite. It totally feels as if I am locked in a dark dorm; pitch dark; and all sources of illumination are deliberately turned off. All I am doing is making peace with the nail biting coldness and darkness in there; learning to sleep; move in the dark; perhaps learning to 'live'.
However, the adolescent apprehensiveness slipped out of me; such a huge sign of relief. Apprehension borne procrastination really fed me with life changing incidents of which I still suffer - till date. The best part is I learnt the trick of mustering up enough courage to confront situations and boy! must I stay that confrontation is the best thing. Few hours (probably days?) of embarrassment, guilt and insult & things will slowly refrain from getting more fucked up.
How bleak life has become? The stains of pain caused by being left out disappeared a long ago & now I kind of enjoy the self gifted solitude and distance. But at times, the new bleak avatar seems untenable. I some times cannot stand the paleness of life now.
People whom I thought of as monks turned into raged bulls; as partners into strangers; as hearted ones into hypocrites. Well, all these certainly broadened my perspective inch by inch but it was unpleasantly surprising at the same time.
I hold in the tenacity, never dying hope for another sunny, bright morning called Tomorrow which never dies nor comes!
Things are royally fucked up at home, work and heart. Not a single element of respite. It totally feels as if I am locked in a dark dorm; pitch dark; and all sources of illumination are deliberately turned off. All I am doing is making peace with the nail biting coldness and darkness in there; learning to sleep; move in the dark; perhaps learning to 'live'.
However, the adolescent apprehensiveness slipped out of me; such a huge sign of relief. Apprehension borne procrastination really fed me with life changing incidents of which I still suffer - till date. The best part is I learnt the trick of mustering up enough courage to confront situations and boy! must I stay that confrontation is the best thing. Few hours (probably days?) of embarrassment, guilt and insult & things will slowly refrain from getting more fucked up.
How bleak life has become? The stains of pain caused by being left out disappeared a long ago & now I kind of enjoy the self gifted solitude and distance. But at times, the new bleak avatar seems untenable. I some times cannot stand the paleness of life now.
People whom I thought of as monks turned into raged bulls; as partners into strangers; as hearted ones into hypocrites. Well, all these certainly broadened my perspective inch by inch but it was unpleasantly surprising at the same time.
I hold in the tenacity, never dying hope for another sunny, bright morning called Tomorrow which never dies nor comes!
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