Firstly, I am very happy maintaining a low key, far too away from socializing and as promised to self, trying to have more time with myself. One thing emerged clear as a bye-product out of this phase. That it being, realization that its high time to evolve.
The whiskey night served its purpose. Sandy, when needed, serves as a mirror to look into myself, to acknowledge the complexes I develop with time. He comes up with easy answers to my to-be-answered riddles. Its now quite evident that I need to evolve. Change in the name of good. As I already wrote quite a times earlier, change should start when it has to; but not upon exertion. yes, exactly I feel that I am receptive to change now & more than glad to welcome it with a warm embrace.
Primarily, its the immediate need to put a check to the sudden bouts of angst my brain spits out., which is very bad, I so want to appeal to all my people that the intentions behind the angst are usually very noble and genuine. All I am lacking is proper channelization of my inner angst.
Second stands the illogical sense of ownership. Why do I still have it in me? I talk to myself regarding this when I am composed & make a vow that ain't I going to iterate that again. But in the heat of the moment, it gets back to me. She might have been suffering the aftermath of this complex, but I somehow manage to back my argument by asking her if she feels the same. If she does not, then I convince myself that I win.
I contradict with myself on this at times with a version saying 'may be being that way constitutes me; may be that is me', but I hate them in me, which require drastic changes. For me to be happy with myself. Its not about her, but she's half of me. I can't let a half of me to be unhappy and sad & the other half obviously won't be doing good in that sense.
Yes, where was I? Its not about her, nor about anybody. Its about me. Whatever.
Eyes wide open, curiously waiting for the change from within.
The whiskey night served its purpose. Sandy, when needed, serves as a mirror to look into myself, to acknowledge the complexes I develop with time. He comes up with easy answers to my to-be-answered riddles. Its now quite evident that I need to evolve. Change in the name of good. As I already wrote quite a times earlier, change should start when it has to; but not upon exertion. yes, exactly I feel that I am receptive to change now & more than glad to welcome it with a warm embrace.
Primarily, its the immediate need to put a check to the sudden bouts of angst my brain spits out., which is very bad, I so want to appeal to all my people that the intentions behind the angst are usually very noble and genuine. All I am lacking is proper channelization of my inner angst.
Second stands the illogical sense of ownership. Why do I still have it in me? I talk to myself regarding this when I am composed & make a vow that ain't I going to iterate that again. But in the heat of the moment, it gets back to me. She might have been suffering the aftermath of this complex, but I somehow manage to back my argument by asking her if she feels the same. If she does not, then I convince myself that I win.
I contradict with myself on this at times with a version saying 'may be being that way constitutes me; may be that is me', but I hate them in me, which require drastic changes. For me to be happy with myself. Its not about her, but she's half of me. I can't let a half of me to be unhappy and sad & the other half obviously won't be doing good in that sense.
Yes, where was I? Its not about her, nor about anybody. Its about me. Whatever.
Eyes wide open, curiously waiting for the change from within.
Pretty deep. I feel ya. Going through kinda the same thing myself.
ReplyDeleteThe angst, the possessive attitude, etc,.