Times of Vacuum & the Bright Spot

Okay now. After being through a rough day filled with shocking updates, revealed secrets through unexpected sources & rather bigger disappointments, few astonishing admissions & so on, I settle down to write this. I recall what Layton pointed out, me being a highly introspective creature & this amounts of insight into myself would not do much good other than killing few more hours of life.

Its been eons I tasted success & I believe its only few months away from now. At least, till this morning I woke up, I thought its pretty okay thingy to go through another 2 months of hardship & bitter times to find myself landing in sunny bright, green meadows for the rest of my time.

Then came that another damaging blow from one of my blood relatives for which I hold no prominence but I am too worried about the response of the 2 people who brought me on to this planet. They are too conservative, orthodox & to-the-heart people. Neither can I blame them too. That is the problem with their times. With their generation & its close ended approach.

Few anti social addictions I had & I am now attested with 'I-am-fit-for-nothing productive to be accomplished' tagline and stamp on my face. I just feel amused by the impact of the surrounded people. With too narrow hearts to acknowledge & digest the well being of a person. I won't care less but my immediate ancestors? They live for the consent, approval of this society.

Amid all these bothering issues, I managed to gift myself with a Bright Spot. Its Her again. Much did I already told about her on this platform & my people close people already know her. She made peace with the fact that I am too naive to fit among these people & the way she accepted me for what I was & what I am was just mesmerizing. She comfortably swept me across my feet & compelled me to fall in love with her again.

My settling down in some respective profession with a handsome & promising pay package has been a very worrying aspect for my people back home which elevated them from their normal state of being to such heights so that they forgot backing me up, in fact started losing their nerve & started taking me for granted. But She has been holding her nerve, insisting me to come back on to the path of glory like I have never come till date.

I wonder some day life would be a fairy tale, I become complacent to do anything after all the adventurous rides I could have had, I would lay back, point out at her being the sole reason for me having led a sensible life.

She, again shined like a bright spot, amid the hollow, bottomless tub of void & vacuum called my Life & I love her for that.

Bye.

Love & Longing.

We both, were feeling the distance that has been separating us. She claimed it too. I obviously have to feel pathetic and so I did. I guzzled down a couple of beer cans and now, I crave for one more, but I suffice myself convincing saying 'too much is too bad' to myself & settle down to put this down.

Once again Facebook does this to me. One of very few good things it does to us. Copying immortal lines. Sirish, this is extracted from one of your few updates. You can conveniently figure that out looking at the title. There was a talk about you between Sandeep & myself about your good being. Too much bragging isn't that. I must put a check to this here & now. So, let me pool in.

They say Good things won't last long. So are our good ol' careless times. When She & I used to be so careless about coming times. Time is such a wonderful entity. It induces such a sense of carelessness in you, pushing you to the corners of oblivion, does things it is s'posed to & slides away forward into nothingness, in style. All that would remain in your power is to wonder about its magic, dumbstruck.

We relived our past times, and laughed over them in helplessness & convinced ourselves that we aren't the same old kids, recklessly in love, anymore. A sense of responsibility & foresight crept in, leaving us behind as two outgrown young people, waiting eternally for the good old times to come back.

Where is that adrenaline rush all over me when she strengthened the fact that she loves me? Where are those goosebumps when she laughed like a lullaby?

I still remember the way I rejoiced when she turned around and stared at me with surprise, frowning her forehead & an expression of anxiety, asking me what it's about, silently. Oh yes! As I read between the lines, I figure out something, that I couldn't, from few hours. Those things didn't vanish. They are just concealed, deep inside, layered, with presumed senses of senses of seriousness and responsibility.

I really wish life to be the way just like a Lucky Ali's composition. Simple, subtle, serene, yet extraordinarily magnificent & chord striking. And I am completely convinced with the point that only She'd be my instrument to compose so.

She completes me.

Moments of defining

I get this message from the only bastard with whom I have been friends with from a really long time. The humid blows reached him too, but this time, the fella's reaction has been classic. He seems quite happy with the way things are turning out to be with me. He waves off a virtual good-bye and hangs up the call, leaving me behind thinking and this is what I am coming up with .

Definitions seldom change. But they do, at least. A year ago, Liberty held a different sense for me. It was like gulping down few cans of beer and walking straight, way back home without bothering about the precautionary measures, to not to be caught drunk at home. I was a confused youngster then(I still am). He who said that responsibility teaches you many things was certainly not a mad man. Definition changed. Of Liberty. I now think its raising and running a home which is metaphorically equal to life.

Yet it comes to defining again. Happy. Satisfied. Contented. Successful. All of them are closely equal to many people. They were, for me too, till a point of time. I was that kind of guy who used to have goosebumps all over witnessing some historical achievements of people. I still do. Bu then it's all about drawing a fine line between witnessing & pursuing. Fantasies never become passions. Fascinations never become Aspirations.

At least I think I well know now what my purpose is & I am already behind it. In pursuit. Being sensible, balanced, throughout this bubble sized life is what that makes some sense, end of the day. For me, though.

Smiling. I have one close associate in my life now. That person's definitions vary. Outlook differs. Insights contradict. Many such. Above all, We love. I can't lose track of my map chasing flashy ambitions which, on the other hand rationally prove out to be unrealistic. But I can explain my approach & can bring her down to make peace with me. When curtains go down, and lights go off, Its all only both of us & nobody else. Nobody.

Aaah Sandeep. I visualize you reading this, nodding in contemplation, throwing out half smiles every now and then, when you totally figure out what am I talking about. Nobody else would more precisely evaluate my psychological state of being better than this man & even time I hang up his call, I incur one priceless piece of advice from him, which I never forget to nail.

Would Love to Live Sensible.

A Simple Bastard.

Tyranny over Non Europeans.

European polity sucks. Big time. Its highly audacious to start off with something so assertive but I just can't help, not more than shrugging off my shoulders at this time. I totally second the government's unparalleled dedication to build UK as a better frontier but I highly doubt the authenticity of their applications being used to do so. The pacts made along with supporting alliances which contribute to the stand of the government and their relentless efforts in safeguarding the power seems so tiresome to any third and neutral eye, which is watching all this phenomenon from a distance.

Basically, all the discrimination that could be brought in, into the country is primarily based on the continent-ship which means a citizen being a European or a non-European one. There, it all starts. The entitlement to all the local government aided benefits would be declined to the non ones. I myself have witnessed the bias many a times in the local stores where non Europeans being rejected to claim any contracts. No wonder one can never find this sort of big time hypocrites any where else on this planet. You visit a store, occupy a table behind which there would be a dressed up official, touching the pad of a computer, grinning a welcome smile, broadly. You enter your details, you find the person contemplating, looking at the monitor, 10 minutes pass by, and an expression of 'Sorry! you are not eligible to claim this contract' appears on the fella's face, which wears a mask of disbelief. There you go! A poignant example of bias. I totally agree this is not universally truthful but I have handful of similar cases in my notice and my 15 months of residence in Europe.

And yeah, the Elections. The Great Grand Royal Elections. The coming general elections are like a contest of status quo for both the ruling and opposition parties. Nobody is willing to forego their victory at any best deal. Just similar to anywhere in the world. Granting dreamy boons to the citizens to protect the vote banks. UK is such a place where people are presumed to be highly cooperative with running government, but Revolution is what that stands as synonym for Youth. The unshaven and unemployed youth of Europe. Its quite crucial for any political side to win their recognition and hearts. Well, this is a fair pact I tell you. You provide employment, We cast out votes to you.

But the policies being implemented to cash the votes of youth citizens are quite disgusting, especially, they are serving as banes to the non European immigrants who migrated into the country to study, work, live and make lives in this country. Students. Yes, as I hail from that section, I am deeply concerned about the injustice that is being done to non European students. Government cuts funds to universities and universities, to compensate the lost funds impose greater fees on non European students. Forget about poking the local ones. Who forgets the student riots against the educational system and its irrational moves regarding student funds and grants, last year? Th only remaining sheep are the migrated students. And they are being ridiculed. And coming to the permit to work in the country, to ensure more employment opportunities to Europeans, the work permit for the non Europeans is going to be unavailable from the coming March. So that, only Europeans would be eligible to apply for any vacancies, thereby assuring the employment to the local youth.

When I write this, the rage inside me gradually comes down, and the angst is being replaced by deep sighs expelled out of helplessness. What can the government even do? To win, is to run. And its just pooling in all its efforts to win the race. I basically do not have the credibility to point out the disgraceful behavior of the UK government when nothing runs smooth with the back home's government and the policies, back there are much more pathetic and the chaos of agony are vibrant enough to cross the seas and reach my ears when I presume everything's to be alright back there and I try to sleep.

Hoping for change. Off for now.

The much needed talk.

Being fed up with the presumed out-of-the-box ideologies of few people, been searching out for a proper vent out session with some one who happens to be a great friend and equally a great listener as well. Sirsh buzzed up at the peak time, demanding a conversation which both of us hoped to join that league of our conversations which pumped much needed levels of confidence and soothing feeling in us. And yeah, eventually, this one too, joined the league, in style of course. Now, I feel good and light.

It all started by bumping into that area of complaints people file against the ones who sound extremely normal and ordinary, especially when the latter ones have been there, done that, gone through and back on to the path of normalcy. A bunch of spoiled brats getting together, stereotyping the happenings of people's lives, taking time out of their ill schedules to run spoofs and making fun out of nothing. Sadly, one day, realization takes place and one point would be made clear in the history again. All this would take them nowhere. They stand there, watching people pacing forward. Way forward.

As sirish emphasized on something very strongly, there's nothing like being unique through bullying around something, you were born as X and yes, you remain X and you die the same X. That's absolutely pointless in setting up some false benchmarks and standards to become someone.

Later on, it moved on to something which is identically ideological. Standing up for selves. There occurs a point in everyone's life when they feel the need to prove something to their selves, rather than proving something to this world. They go around, talk, blabber, about who all they look up to with extra ordinary levels of admiration and respect, what all they want to do etc. Few years down the lane, after a very normal, long and tiresome day, they hit bed, covered themselves up in a duvet, which separates them from the rest of the world, I am so certain that this question occupies their mind about their own potential and calibre and has it showed a remarkable impact on them, the dawn would break into a new day, and the day stands as the synonym for something called 'initiative'. I know quite a few jobless souls going through that phase right now, but I sincerely hope they'd outgrow that too, very soon and stand up for themselves for something noteworthy and significant. After all, every phase is a passing cloud and yeah, People outgrow everything eventually.

Well, art of conversing is something very underrated and very much overlooked according to Sirish, and I too second that in concurrence. Nothing would get close to the light hearted feeling you experience after a much need conversation with a good old friend of yours, and I am experiencing it right now, to the fullest. Conversations, which follow the purpose, rather than means, and which prioritise gist over arguments are the ones which make you feel confident and soulful.

Sirish, you'd be one of those few reasons which compel me to come back, I tell you. Long live, boy!

Like a Rolling Stone.

I see the distant white rose-d curtains hanging around, surrounded me in despair, but I am sorry, this also belongs to that league of posts which are ridiculed and troubled. My set of eyes meet the jar of drinking chocolate, a tin of fosters beer & a tube of table salt which are in no way connected but somehow find a connecting linear abysmal of equation.

I am listening to Nitin Shawney, Devendra Banhart, Chris Jarvis, all the alternative stuff one could ever lend their set of ears to. I do not blame some entity nor complain too. This is one piece which seriously digs a hole to find out an aperture to come out of enclosed & enforced vacuum, trying too hard to escape out of pragmatism.

No activity. Do not point out your raising finger at me as I have no rational grudge against this site, to seem too biased and to abandon it from visiting. It's just that I didn't feel feel like writing and I did not.

As anticipated, she turned out to be the most judging and convincing part of the mortality. She commands for the good. For the mutual goodness. Symbiosis prevails. This stands out as the proving testimony for the recurrence of the the good old times to flush in again and pay off their due visits.

I read Boris' s disgust on riots, updated resignations of people who challenged the sales of coloured water, scintillating response to the historical launch of an ever lasting hunger fast to achieve fanatical secularism, summed up conspiracy to dismiss God from conquering his hundredth ton etc. Lot's been certainly happening. Nothing far too much than my love. One can find it far too disappointing to relate everything so coherently to my personal advancements, but, come on now, this is my platform, and if you choose to click on this, you've got to bear with this.

Waiting for the clicking time, so that things apparently fall in place and everything falls off to subtlety with such admiring levels of serenity that would leave the spectators' half agape mouths wide open.

Those old days should come back. The Good old days. The days of spilling out money like the trash paper. Its not about disrespecting the currency but its all about honouring aggravating respect to my earned self esteem. I behave reluctant to agree with the presumed image of a spoiled brat by frisking money and throwing it away but that is what I earn. The liberty to chuck off the wealth I've earned.

Well, there's definitely some difference she has brought in. Significant, phenomenal and huge. I know people and claim them as the people I am associated with, but the whole freaking point is, they don't know her and that, it makes all the difference.

P.S : I name this one as 'No Direction Home!' , I clean my hands, I come back and rename this as 'Like a Rolling Stone.'

On and On and On....

As wisely said 'let the chips may fall where they intend to' and referring to Sirish's latest post which strongly emphasizes on the point of leaving everything purely on conscience, I look back to find any exuberating relevance in the events that took place in my life so far, I failed again, big time. Phew! even in connecting the dots which brightly represented various events. I think whether they were all by themselves that collectively occurred to me or is it my self sustainable stupidity that drove me forward. It isn't at all something like turning out to be too humane & standing by myself but that is something totally beyond my control. I don't really have an idea what is really prompting me to start writing about me (as I was far too occupied with the act of praising her on a larger front) but this really has to come out. This has got no head and tail, I tell you. Aah well, I was addressing the 'connecting the events' thing a bit earier and again I get back there.

Education. The unrealized and the biggest frontier I am still waiting to materialise. Ask me and I shall tell you how it feels when everybody paces way forward, I still keep hanging in there. Define Education for me. The one that fetches me the proper wisdom of differentiating between the productive and destructive elements? Or the one that fetches me a studio flat and a four wheeler, five years down the lane? This is like a motion picture, where a fast forward button is pressed on, zoomed in, into the city's ever moving traffic, vehicles keep rushing to and fro. You stand there, like a frozen frog and as if you are meant to observe the motion of everything and no nothing else. Stagnant. Inertial.

A stirring feeling in your belly and vibrating nerves in your legs and yet, a heavenly weighed object on your back, stabbing you more and more into the ground. Deep inside. I know this sounds way too depressing and dramatic. The troubled kid devoid of everything. I would throw my head down into void, running out of an answer when someone asks me what's all this. Isn't it so stupid to expect me to come up with an immediate and equally reflexive answer for the question for which, I have been spending, like the latest quarter of my life, searching for an answer. This has become a mirage, it seems near, yet so far, miles far away. I wish my fist sized throb, which got lost conveniently far away in some city of my realm, would find an answer eventually and glow up with joy, just like a kid who conquered his favourite piece of toy.

Till then, the pursuit goes on and on and on....